We'd been together
so long
and farewell
came.
Unfortunate circumstances
you couldn't
come with me
you yelled,
ranted, raved.
You were so irate
and tears
welled in my eyes
and ripped my heart.
And where we had been,
once strong,
Now I stood.
Alone.
Hopelessly
on my own,
in the Big Bad
World.
I realized suddenly
I didn't want
this,
aloneness,
being without you.
But It was too
late, you left
me behind,
found somebody else.
And I stayed lost
in woods of pine
and wandered
pining.
It took so long.
But I found my
self
way
the light
of day.
And once I had that
I could move
on
forward.
Still alone
but not
scared
sad or
weak.
"But I found my/ self/ way/ the light/ of day" might need some punctuation to add some clarity. I liked the line breaks in the conclusion. It made it seem like you were dangling on a string throughout the poem, but the words in the conclusion about a newfound strength contrast this.
ReplyDeleteAww man, I was hoping for another one about sex or murder. This one seems a little bit more straightforward than most of your other ones, maybe because it was an actual experience? I agree with Katie, thought, in that some of the line breaks are kind of confusing and seem to be pretty random. It kind of seems like some words are missing in certain lines, meaning that my mind is needing more words to be there for some reason.
ReplyDeleteI like the short line you're experimenting with and I echo Katie and Alex. This is straightforward, and maybe a bit too much, and I love the lines Katie quotes.
ReplyDeleteI also like the "pining" stanza.
I think your challenge is to make these people alive. Remember Woolf's idea that we need to show who the events happened to, not just the events.
Let's work on this on Friday.
Dave